to you...

do notice im gone?
where did run to?
so far away...
i want you to know that
i miss you, i miss you sooo...

im still kinda sad.
the feeling comes and goes.
it just lingers in my mind.
hmph...

sad-ed...

well...
its about 1 in the morning...
i cant sleep...
hmmm...
have you ever felt
way deep inside ur body,
in that body part that doesnt exists,
something is missing?
you cant really put a finger on it
cos in real life,
its not really there...
well
yah, im kinda feeling that way right now...
i just fell like today,
something is just missing.
something just doesnt feel right.
something just feels unaccomplished...

i feel so down right about now.
been so since i was in school earlier.
im just,
really,
badly,
unfortunately,
sad.
its not emo.
its not 'attention seeking'.
its not 'typical'.
im just sad.
yes, sad. sad. sad. sad. sad!
there is no possible other way of putting it.
plain. simple.
sad.
period.
=(

procrastinator...

hello there...
well...
probably reading the title would have
hinted that ive been putting off this post
for some time...
its not that i dont have the time...
i just, dont want to do it...

hmmm...
another thing ive been procrstinating so far
is my PP report...
i distinctively remember telling myself
i was gonna get started on sunday night...
its tuesday now and im still not even close
to starting...
oh well...

anyway...
life has been sort of happenning for me...
been attending soooo many outings and such...
soo...
here goes...

two weeks back, me and
some of the floorball went out to have dinner
at sakura.
sort of a farewell dinner for the mates
who were going to serve the nation...





after the dinner,
we went out and sat around outside
ngee ann city plaza...
well...
thanks to fit and his new Iphone,
we got ourselves carried away
in a more extreme game of
truth or dare...
erm...
pictures and vidoes, too explicit i guess...
haha...

the next day,
had my first league game.
we won.
1-0.
i felt i had a good game.
and it feel soo much
different winning
when you played a role in getting the win.
picture for the day?

haha...
pardon his smile.
he on cloud nine for reason apperant in his hands...
literally.

last firday,
my sister finally graduated from university.
no more mugging for her.
BIG UPS TO YOU SIS!
well,
i guess its something to be happy and proud about...
maybe something to aim for?
again...
here are some photos...







zomg!!!
check out the baby!!!
haha...
sooooooooo cute!!!

so,
finally.
had my second league game on sunday.
we won 5-3.
hmmm...
not too happy overall.
i think i should have been better.
hmmm...
photo of the day?

haha...
cool or what???



well...
thats long enough...
bbye...

*kau buat aku tersenyum*

fried rice on cloud nine...

well, was watching the euro08 final this morning
Spain won.
but anywayz...you can read more about the match at
www.espnsoccernet.com
sooo...
since i was already up so late into the night...
i decided to cook myself something to bring to school today...
explaining the unexplainable dish in the picture...
well, to say the least, it fried rice...
yurp...
rice fried with different ingredients...
i think i cam out quite well...
compared to my tasteless past attempts,
this one was kinda satisfying...
considering i am no chef wan,
im quite proud of myself...
haha...








things may change, but you could be the only constant i need...

wassup wit that?

'so that's the line up for today.
wan, you will be resting for this week...'

last year, every Sunday, for about
three months, those were the words
that beat my ear drums ever so loudly.
after which, the fact that i would play
no part for my team during the game would
slowly yet surely sink in.

not good enough?
not fast enough?
not strong enough?
not big enough?

the same cold feeling went through me last night.
with set dripping from my face onto the
artificial turf i was standing on,
i realized i was being left aside.
left to finish my remaining 2 rounds.
left to lead the cooling down execises.
left to watch from the outside
left to ponder...
as in my mind, the words sank in again...
'wan, you'll be resting...'

and the game goes on...

its been god knows how long since i
last posted...
i wish i had a chip in my brain that
uploads all my thoughts online...
would be dandy aye?
haha...
imagine how embarrassing it would be,
having people read about my bedtime dreams
and all about the girls i think about...
haha...

anywayz...
life has been great...
erm...
aloooooooooooooooot of things happened since i last posted...
so,
im not gonna go into tooo many details...

well,
the floorball league is gonna be
starting soon.
and, as rumoured for some time,
im the captain for the team.
abit mixed on feelings i should say.
obviously i am proud that people
see me fit to lead a team.
but, am i what they are looking for?
David beckham was a captain.
and he scored the equalising goal against greece,
when england were 2-1 down, and sent
england to the 2002 world cup.
mike eruzione was the captain of the
1980 usa ice hockey team.
he scored the winning goal against the more
favoured soviet union team in the olympics
semi-finals.
USA later went on to win the gold medal
seriously, i dont know how or why
i was defined to be a captain.
but, the game goes on no matter what.
and hopefully, ill step up
when my defining moment comes.
*fingers crossed*



soooo...
thats all i guess...
selamat
:)

things that make me better...

days havent really gone the best for me...
been having some 'emo' nights for some reason
floorball got banned...
soo...
not much trainings...
but im still darn busy for some reason...
its 2 in the morning...
i have school tomorrow...
yet im still awake...
sooo,
like ive said...
there are times when i feel off
and that's when its nice
to have a sweet relief...
thus...




things that make me better

-scoring a goal
-MAN U scoring a goal
-winning
-MAN u winning
-playing floorball
-playing football
-having a nice meal
-getting an 'A' for class
-spending good times with my family
-playing with with my cousins baby nephew
-FIFA 08
-music
-a good sleep
-relaxing with my friends
-getting money
-good weather
-my room
-getting new stuff
-finishing my work
-losing weight












and...














-...











(hint:its soupose to be A she. but im not sure which one?)

the hate list

its the third week of school...
its thursday and theres training after school...
i feel upbeat today...
probably cos i finally got to play
soccer yesterday after training...
its was sooo totally kewl!!!
haha...

anywayz...
i think life is seriouly getting harder...
i find people getting on my nerves
more and more nowadays...
its sort of a worrying trend cos
more and more i find myself
cursing the worst for people...
more and more do i find deadly thoughts
filling up my innocent little mind...
okay...
maybe its not soo innocent after all...
so...
due to this new trend of 'hating on impulse',
ive sort of created and imaginary list of names
which includes all the names
of the people i hate at that point of time...
and belive me,
the list can get kinda long at times...
but,
being the ever forgiving person i am
with a simple smile or hand shake,
i take certain names off the list...
sooo...
at the end of the day,
only a few names are left on the list...
now...
this few peopl are the ones...
erm...
i wanna 'talk' to...

what a first week...

so, i was actually gonna post this last firday night...
but...
the magic of the matress was just toooooo strong...
tooooo strong...
anywayz...
its monday morning and im in school...
like duh...
got about 2-3 hours of sleep last night...
way not enough...
the first week of school was wokay i guess...
there wasnt any major happenings...
met new people...
got into new classes...
typical first day...
ouh...
AND IM LIKE A YEAR 2 STUDENT NOW!!! haha...
i think its just thooo cool...
just like upper secondary or upper primary back in the days...
haha!!!

ouh shit...
im probably gonna die because of this...
but oh well...
last friday, me, yusoff and hazmi went to to queensway so the the mamat can get some new pair of shoes...
before leaving for the train, the mamat changed into his new nike shoes...
but, as we were walking, the mamat decided he looked wrong wearing the shoes and decided to switch back to sandals in the middle of the walking pavement, somewhere near the shell that is opposite of the road from ikea!!! haha amekkao!!


hahaha...
sooo, thats about it for the past week...
the weekends we kinda dull...
spent time with the family...
its called family love...
haha...
ouh! ouh! and i finally got a new backpack
baek kappa!!!
kk...
till next time...

back to school...

hello sportfans...
been sooooooo long since my
last emotional post...
how im feeling now?
lets just say things
havent changed too much for the good...

anywayz...
havent really got the mood to blog...
havent really got the time...
havent really got the stories...
serious, my life nowadays is
about as interesting as a
malaysian 'liga perdana' match
(fyi, liga perdana = premiere league)
i mean, everyday is almost the same thing
over and over again...

soo,
the holidays are just about over...
school is starting tmr...
and guess what?
so does floorball training...
i know...
whats new right?
like i said,
same thing, over and over again...

soo,
*things done during the holidays?
ive put on alot of weight...
seriously, i tummy wobbles when i walk...
*i worked part time with my dad...
i seriously feel i got to know
my dad better through out the whole time working...
*got hooked on to 'scrubs'
haha...
so, sooo funny...

theres probaly many other things i did,
but not many actually made a meaningful
significance in my life...

soo,
new school term in RP
means new classmates...
lucky for me, i have been able to get to know
some of my new classmates through the
freshmen orientation programme
held last thursday and friday...
ive got too say,
ive made quite a few new friends...
and the experience i had being a student leader
is just priceless...

well, anywayz...
i gonna go try get some sleep now...
soo...
goodbye sportfans...

she was the is. she is the was.

she was the is.
innocent like white paper.
now ugly like a used wrapper.

she is the was.
then i never knew.
now fixed on what has grew.

two girls.
two way different worlds.

yet both ever soo connected
in a mans mind swirl.

you gonna fuck me real hard kappa?!

Time passes by like sweet poetry,
with life slipping by ever so quickly.
Without realizing, we grow and grow.
Till the day comes,
when threes no where else to go.
Some people die,
with total disappointment.
While other pass,
with much satisfaction.
But being young is beautiful,
for time is plentiful.
And it is still up to you,
to make life wonderful.


so, i was going through my old stuff
a week back, and i found some
of my old poetry material.
came across this piece and i thought
of sharing it.

well,
had training just now,
so, i think i did pretty decent.
not good, but decent.
obviously, i made a few bad moves.
but thats the whole point of practicing isnt it?
to improve on the wrongs and work towards
the rights.
well, anywayz
after training, this 'guy'
came up to me and said,
"wan, you better wake up.dont make me fuck you real hard."
i was laughing when i heard this,
but politely enough, i covered my mouth with my tshirt.
well, heres some rough details about the guy:
visibally out of shape(can fit two heads in his tummy)
graduate from rp, so he's been playing fb longer than me.
and he thinks he the al-mighty on court...
well..
okay..
now ill get back to the comment he passed on to me.
disregarding the homosexual nature of the comment...
i feel that maybe what he said may be true...
i do need to improve my game...
but oh my gawd...
couldnt it be placed in a more polite and friendly term?
atleast without the vaulgarities damnit!!!
and like, he wasnt to great to say the least...

so, thats past...
hmmm...
i was chatting with fitri online...
we were kinda discussing about another guy...
rough details:
rp student
living in the north side of singapore.
well, we were kinda discussing about
how much of a asshole he is...
im not gonna go in details on what he
did to me or fitri.
but ill just say that you guys wouldnt be
to happy with it.

hmm...
i guess...
in life,
how you see people
is largely based on
their characther and actions...
and when things
dont really shape up for the best...
all you gotta do is move along...

well...
thats long enough...
nights...

my heart...

'i am finding out that maybe I was wrong
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone'

so, its about 4 in the morning.
its 'valentines day' today...
hmmmm...
a lonely valentine it is
for me i guess...
its kinda funny what
i feel nowadays...
like...
i think im over things...
but i cant help
but feel i have lost something
really really BIG...
like...
OOOOOMYGAWD!!!
im probably talking nonsense now...
i cant really type out how i feel
or what im feeling...
or can i?
oh well...



anywayz...
enuf emo-ing....
heres something new...
came across this new band
PARAMORE is the name...
pop/punk/alternative music...
as good as it gets i can say...
but most importantly...
their lead singer
is like damn hawt!!!
like for-shizzle...




Birth Name:Hayley Nichole Williams
Nickname:Spongebob, Sponge, Hayles
Age:19
Birthday:December 27, 1988
Birth Sign:Capricorn
Height:5'2EyesGreen
Hometown:Franklin, Tennessee
Birth Place:Meridian, Mississippi

haha...
i think im sooooo
in love...
judging by physical things
like,
the way she looks and all...
i would say she sums up my dream girl...
simple hair...
tshirt and a pair of jeans...
and sneakers...
like...
simple yet ouh so beautiful...
hmmmm...
where are you mrs.hazwan
hahaha...
mamposss...
okay...
thats all...
gd night...
time to dream about Hayley Nichole Williams...
haha

angkat! angkat! angkat!

mkay...
its official...
i DO NOT like my class...
i mean...
not everyone in it...
just most of them...
i think they are like
the best in the ancient art of
'Angkat'...
yes yes...
just to get a pathetic A...
they are willing to do anything
to make the faci feel better about
themselves...
thoooo sad...
nyehahaha...
u guys can just go along and carry on
with ur acts of 'angkat'...
(p.s. not everyone in my class sucks, some of them are cool too...)
____________________________________________________

hmmm...
training has been on the low lately...
so im pretty much free most times...
so what do we do when we are free?
haha...
go on a counter strike frenzy of course...
kinda 'primary school'ish lah...
but, oh well...
nyehaha...

anywayz...
went cycling just now...
its really great
to be living in the middle of singapore...
u can practically get anywhere within one hour
BAEK AH NOVENA!!!
haha...
well...
i managed to squeeze in some
cycling time
just now...
wanted to cycle to esplenade
but the path was cut off due to construction work on
the Ferris wheel...
oh well...
next time maybe...


here are some pictures i took...















cool huh?
here a picture of the
under construction Ferris wheel



the lights on that thing
will just light up the night sky i tell you...
well that about it...
2 more days of school
before i can say goodbye to
my class...
yeah balls!!!
angkat! angkat! angkat!
haha...
gonna go to sleep now...



goodnight guys :)

my oh my...

Wake up will you?
Just wake the fuck up...
When will you
get it through your
fucking head huh?
Do you need someone to die
before you finally
learn your lesson?
Does something damn horrible
have to happen to you
before you finally mend your ways?
Like...wake up will you?
How much more can your life take
before it finally goes down the
drain totally?
How much more can your friends
lie to you just to make you feel better?
Wait...wait...
How much more can u fucking lie to
yourself just to make yourself feel
better?
Yes...
If you have not yet guessed it,
YOU my DEAREST FRIEND,
have been living a lie...
Yup...
It’s all a fucking lie...
So do yourself a favor...
Ask yourself these questions...
Not your friends...
Not your family...
Not that soft toy by the side of your bed...
But only ask yourself...
Because you know what?
At the end of the day,
YOU are the one
facing the music...

_________________________________________________

sorry for the excessive use of vulgarities...
i just need to get it off my chest...
been holding it back for to darn long
i guess...
TOOOOO LONG!!!

slapshots to the face...

hmmm...
ivp is over...
like finally...
so RP guys got into
the finals...
only losing out to nyp...
hmmm...
all i can say is...
hmmm...
what can i say??
i din even play...
okay...
anywayz...
i hope this pushes me and the rest of my
team mates to train harder and
become better contenders for next year...
come on guys!!!




so,
i probably wont be too busy anymore...
but dont expect myself to be tooo free...
just got my bike fixed...
so im kinda looking forward to alot of
cycling...

"and i even wonder if we
should be getting under these sheets.
were empty..."

with you? with who?

Oh Girl!
I don't want nobody else,
Without you, there's no one left then,
You're like Jordans on Saturday,
I gotta have you and I cannot wait now,
Hey! little shawty,
Say..you care for me,
You know..I care for you,
You know...that I'll be true,
You know..that i won't lie,
You know..that i would try,
To be your everything..yeah..

hmmm...
stubled upon this song about a week ago...
and eversince, ive been hearing it about everywhere i go...
not that i dont like it...
its chris brown and its a great song(p.s. im a huge chris brown fan)
hmmmmmmmmmm...
i feel that the words in this song held a much
deeper meaning then but not now...
but anywayz...
im okay with things now...
its abit of a roller coaster ride at times...
but im getting along...

_________________________________________

here's a story bout little Timmy.
a boy who loves to eat candy.
white or brown, short or tall,
it didn't matter to Timmy cos he ate them all.

Timmy's mom would feed his addiction.
every bite filled him with such affection.
everyday Timmy's mom would say,
'be good Timmy, and ill buy you candy today'.

but some days were not to good for Timmy,
he would see his mom, hands all empty.
all Timmy could do was to sigh.
and sometimes, the disappointment would make him cry.

everyday Timmy's mum would promise,
to get him candy when she got back from the office.
but some time Timmy seems to know,
at the end of the day, the candy wouldn't show.

so now Timmy isn't so gullible.
never believing that sweet treat is fully possible.
but the problem now is, what would Timmy do
if the promises made were actually true

___________________________________________

trust me,
metaphorically
i am alot like Timmy...

me, my girlfreind and my scandal...

hello everyone...
meet my girl friend

her name is Petom Saloma bte Pendek
but i always call her 'psp'
we've known each other for about a year...
she has shiny fair skin
and she just likes it sooo much when i push her buttons...
she may look dull...
but the things she shows me at times
bring me on a hell of a ride...

but, i have somthing i have to confess...
for about a few months,
i have been seeing someone behind her back...


her name is FATimah bte PIPEt
but i always call her 'fatpipe'
she's very tall and sexy
and her delicate feet allows her to
handle balls very well...

u see, certain commitments i have forces me
to spend time with 'fatpipe'
but my lovely 'psp' is always the one with
me through the times...
oh lord...
what should i do???

______________________________________________________

haha...
sry...
im just bored...

'i live alot better when im out of tune'

bbye 2007...hello 2008...

its new year's eve babe...
in a few more hours
its going to be the year 2007
wheao...
how fast time flies...
anywayz...
probably gonna be heading out
to marina for fireworks later...

hmmm...
2007...
an eventful year to say the least...
here are some things im sure to remember
down the road...

1)passing my o levels and getting into rp.
kinda normal for everyone but its actually
a big thing for me considering how attached i
was getting to bhss.
i still miss that hill top school till today...
but...
we just have to move on...
in im like, getting used to life in rp.

2)getting into floorball.
yup yup...
how can i not mention about
the topic that takes up most of
the time i have.
ill remember everything from
my first air-hook
to my first goal.
haha...

3)turning 18.
probably not remembered by how i spent it...
but i guess ill remember it due to its significance
of me becoming a so called young adult?
haha...
not to say i din enjoy the day...
it was one of the best birthdays ive had
in a long time...

4)my first-est EVER girlfriend.
yes farah, my first ever.
yupyup...
after all my past heartbreaks...
haha...
like they always say,
the first is always special...
and indeed it has been...
ill stop here abt this.
cos i might just talk abt the same thing
over and over again.
because it all ouhsooo great...

hmm...
whatelse?
ahw damn...
2007 has been a good year overall..
hope for 2008?

well...
i hope that ill live for another year to start with
haha...

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE...

jealousy is a bitch...

its about 2 in the morning right now...
music for the soul it was for me last night...
haha...
headed down to victoria concert hall to catch
farah performing with her school alumni band...
the music was great...
been some time since i last went to a
band concert...
well...
after the concert...
went to have dinner with derek,trina,eugene,sarah and gary...
just a normal night out it seems...
but in truth...
damn...
if only i can describe how i feel right now...

had a long and fruitful chat
wit a friend of mine just now...
well, farah was the honourable friend...
haha...
though i may disturb her alot...
she seriously is great to talk to...
got to talk about alot of things ive
been thinking about...
anyways pisang...
if you are reading this...
thanks again...
and u did great at the concert im sure...

hmm...
random thought...

jealousy is a bitch...
experienced it first hand...
comments - 'rabak babe'

i need to redefine my friends nowadays...
friends who care and friends who dont give a shit...
comments - looks and words are deceiving indeed...

hmmm...

ouh...
ivp is really right around the corner...
hopefully this time i make the cut...
maybe it could justify to a certain extent
all that has happened to me thus far recently...

okay...
thats all for now...
seecha...